azurelunatic: The (old) Tacoma Narrows Bridge, intact but twisted. (Tacoma)
([personal profile] azurelunatic May. 22nd, 2017 03:13 pm)
Once I move at the beginning of June, there will be a new local set of people.


Me: y'all know me. Lunatic, infovore. Gender: no thank you. Pronoun set: plural-they.

Partner: a witty, kind geekfolk, fascinated by books and shows and links and sports and hardware and eking every last ounce of usefulness out of old gear. I have known them for about 10 years at this point. Infovore. Gender: has a lot of oppressive constructs which should be BURNED THE FUCK DOWN while not endangering the vulnerable folks who depend on some of its supportive ones. Pronoun set: anonymous-they.

Metamour: has been seeing my partner since February-ish. Met them over a game of CAH; knew they had to be friends when they had pretty much the same answer. Witty, beautiful. Likes baking. Gender: woman. Pronoun set: she/her.

Tay-Tay: my younger (biological) sister, and soon to be my roommate. I say she is my "baby" sister but she's actually a year older than my partner. Violinist and general ball of energy. Short and tiny; I can kind of lift her in one arm so she can be on eye level with my partner. Gender: probably woman-ish and she likes kicking over gender norms and dancing on top. Pronoun set: she/her.

The Kitten: a small, loud, grey indoor lap cat who loves my partner and will punch people who try to pet her without her permission. Previous owners declawed her. She is food-insecure, and cannot be left to free-feed. She's antisocial to other cats. She does not like Master Jerkface very much at all. She is most often found perched on the back of my partner's desk chair and getting hair on their jacket, on my partner's lap with her tail in their face demanding to be petted, or on top of them when they're asleep.

Master Jerkface (and other equally unflattering nicknames): the abusive ex of my beloved partner. I hope to not meet them. Gender: they have one. Pronoun set: as used here, anonymous-they.

The Man-Child: Tay's boyfriend, who I didn't hear about in the context of a Relationship until September 2016, literally as I was coming back from the Oakland radiation oncology department. Musician, outdoorsy hiker type. A few decades too old for man-childishness to be excused. Gender: man, probably. Pronoun set: he/him.


Team Partner: a bunch of people who came together to help my partner in their hour of need. They include:

an old internet friend of mine who reads the Vorkosigan books
their wife
a friend of theirs

The first hosts: one of my partner's former co-workers who went into tech and her husband

The second hosts: another co-worker-ish person and her husband


Assorted now-local friends of mine include:

Mr. Zune: a former co-worker from Virtual Hammer who is now at the SEA-TAC outpost as his career was portable
Mr. Zune's Girlfriend: got a dream job in the Seattle area

[livejournal.com profile] tygerr: an old friend and Listee
[livejournal.com profile] tygerr's wife: an excellent and fun geek lady

Carnelian: a friend of mine from the late 90s; we had various different paths in life but now we're talking again and comparing notes.
Terezi: Carnelian's daughter, who infamously needed two stacked baby gates to keep her contained as a toddler. Now a proud teenage tumblr bb. (I haven't seen her in Many Years, but I'm likely to run into her more often now.)

Various #dw, #dw_kvetch, and #lj_s folk!!!
primsong: (freshly dead)
([personal profile] primsong May. 21st, 2017 11:51 am)
Took a shop vac out to the greenhouse to suck all the cobwebs, dirt, lichen and other crud out before coating the inside with wood preservative - it has two shelves of spaced apart slats with an aisle between them, the planks have a corrugated trough underneath to catch drips and such.  Going along poking the vacuum nozzle in wherever it would fit and it clogged.  Pulled up the nozzle to see what was clogging it, expecting a wad of moss or something.

It was a bird skull.

Looking down through the slats I could see the flat remains of an entire bird skeleton with cobwebby, dusty feathers.  How in the world did it get down in there? The wings were spread so it must have been trapped alive?  It was long ago either way.  The Tomb of the Greenhouse Bird. 

My son considered the skull.  "Man, that's totally metal." 
azurelunatic: Blue-iced cupcake with sprinkles.  (cupcake)
([personal profile] azurelunatic May. 20th, 2017 05:38 pm)
Friday was more boxes. Putting olives and pineapple and a few other things in a sturdy box half-filled it, but it was already heavy enough. I made up the rest of the space with dry noodle soup cups: not easily crushed, but hella light.

It was beer bash day at Virtual Hammer, and my last one. My former manager's last day had been the week before (onward and upward). I was skeptical of the food choices, as the theme was "pizza party", and I was aware of what the "catering pizza" was like.

By 2pm, when the maintenance guy hadn't shown up for the pre-departure inspection, I called the office. I didn't want to miss beer bash. He came through at 2:45. No major issues, and maybe X place would be good for the moving pod, but it was a hard problem. (In this case, "major issues" is holes in walls, destroyed appliances, etc. I am sure there will be "minor issues".)

I headed for beer bash, slightly melancholy. (My partner urged me to try for not too much sadness.) I chatted with Nora, of course. I walked briskly up the path, but paused at the duck pond to take a few last pictures.

The duck pond at Virtual Hammer, glowing in the sunlight (with a certain amount of algae bloom).

Purple called just about then, as he was about a hundred meters behind me and wanted to catch up. He had a new-ish teammate with him, someone of a delightfully compatible sense of humor.

We grabbed some pizza (fortunately, there was sufficient pepperoni pizza, as the veggie pizza was laced with bell pepper), and contemplated the desserts.

1) Streusel pizza, an uninspiring-looking cinnamon-sugar crumb on something flat and pale.
2) Brownie pizza, with toasted mini marshmallows and peanut butter cups.
3) Popcorn with some red coating on it; this would prove to be mostly spicy.
4) Cookie pizza, chocolate chip with frosting, coconut shreds, and walnuts on top.

#1 looked like a waste of carbohydrate. #3 looked like not-dessert (and upon tasting, was indeed not-dessert).
I texted my partner with the descriptions of #2 and #4, and got back some incredulous punctuation. I loathe peanut butter, and have an oral hypersensitivity reaction to walnuts. (It burns and the lining of my mouth peels off. It's great.) My partner has complementary reactions: oral hypersensitivity to peanuts, and loathes walnuts.

Purple and his teammate and I had a lovely time in one of the tucked-away back tables. There was a lovely view out the windows. We talked about squirrels (Purple's noticed that modern squirrels know how to freeze and duck for cars), bees (Purple's childhood home had a prodigious amount of comb removed from a wall), the nature of "Netflix and Chill", and other such things.

Eventually, Ms. Antisocialest Butterfly called, and we figured out dinner. I spotted the cute receptionist across the upper quad, and said goodbye. We wandered back down to the lower quad, and Purple wrapped up. I dropped some spare buttons from the 2015 department conference, because I didn't really need that many as keepsakes, and someone at work might think they were cool.

We headed off for dinner. Goodbye, campus in the hills. You were beautiful, and I met so many lovely people there. Perhaps I'll visit again someday.

Ms. Antisocialest Butterfly had been delayed in leaving for dinner, because as she was heading out, there was a machine overheating, so she'd had to spray the fans with compressed air and such. I was careful to avoid "blowing" jokes at first. The restaurant had the air conditioning cranked up high, which had likely been appropriate in the heat of the day, but was less and less appropriate as the air cooled. I put on my jacket. Purple ran out to his car to grab his button-down shirt.

The on-table tablet thing behaved itself this time, by which I mean Ms. Antisocialest Butterfly was able to look at the drinks menu and pick out something, and then we were able to aim it away from us without it blinking. I got a sip of Purple's drink, which was just about the right amount. (Two would have been an okay amount too, but it was a little sour for me.)

Ms. Antisocialest Butterfly has picked up a new online game, where she is now known as "Finger." Most of the obvious jokes were less made than they were implied. She observed that it's very important to not (as someone had) leave the punctuation out of the greeting "Finger, my friend!" What happened was that she'd joined the game and picked a nickname; some dick had immediately taken offense to her basic existence. She'd argued that this was the internet, perhaps she didn't exist at all! Perhaps she was just a disembodied finger, typing. And thus her new name.

Purple walked me to my car. We chatted about this and that, and the move. I'll be fine. I tend to pre-react, rather than post-react. (Purple post-reacts.) My partner and I have good communications. I'll be sad to leave California, but not heartbroken like I was about leaving Darkside.

We set the date and time for our last dinner: Tuesday night, in the hole-in-the-wall Mediterranean place where they treat us like family. I'll want to say goodbye there, too.
azurelunatic: A baji-naji symbol.  (baji-naji)
([personal profile] azurelunatic May. 20th, 2017 04:10 pm)
For reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I started contemplating the components that make up an effective apology to me. There are the "five apology languages", which are siblings of the "five love languages", or something. That's interesting, but it isn't quite what I'm looking for.

What am I looking for?

a) Acknowledgment of the effect, and regret. (Regret is one of the apology languages.) Something happened and I was hurt; in an intimate and trustworthy relationship, I want them to know how I was hurt, and why it was hurtful. (Late to an event, hurt feelings, stubbed toe, irritated, etc.) Since they need to care for my well-being, I feel that it's appropriate that they regret my well-being was affected.
(In an untrustworthy relationship, giving them more information on how they have hurt me just gives them ammunition to hurt me further. If you find in your life that there are people where you don't want to let them know that you are hurt or how, contemplate your options for reducing those people's access to you.)

b) Root-cause analysis. What are the factors that led to this happening? Some are the responsibility of the person. (Accepting responsibility is one of the apology languages.) Sometimes there are factors that are nobody's responsibility, or are the responsibility of entities who are in no position to have things changed as a result of the incident. (A terrible day at the DMV is not likely to be solved by anyone saying "Hey, this was terrible.")

c) Making restitution, if appropriate. (Making restitution is one of the apology languages.) A date can often be rescheduled. Doing something nice and out of the ordinary is a mood-lifter. Fixing or replacing the broken thing. Sometimes there isn't really anything that can be done to make it better, and that probably should be acknowledged.

d) Failure prevention. (In the listed apology languages, "genuinely repenting" seems to fit this the closest.) With root-cause analysis and knowledge of the effects, we can use those to plan to avoid circumstances where this comes up again, and make a plan for mitigating the effects if it does come up again.


In my present primary relationship, my partner always genuinely regrets the hurt. They don't always understand why it was hurtful, so that portion often involves a lot of discussion. (And I can contribute to things going better by being more flexible in when and how that discussion happens.) The root cause often involves things that have grown out of traumatic experiences and situations in our past, which is ... fun. Restitution hasn't been a huge factor.

Root cause analysis and failure prevention tend to slide together, even though I have them listed as separate steps. It's at the failure prevention step where, like magic, I start calming down and feeling incredibly secure and loved. Since some of the factors involve trauma, the failure prevention often involves the slow process of healing (with and without the assistance of professionals), and my understanding and forgiveness of those things.

We're learning how to fight well and safely, and I love them so much.
primsong: (lunch)
([personal profile] primsong May. 20th, 2017 06:40 am)
My son was transitioned to buying his own grub recently but thus far has been chowing down on what he started off with as if there was no worry about that.  Then it finally happened:
Son: "We're out of milk."
Me: "You can buy some if you like, I don't use milk."
Son: . . . . . "I really, really want mac and cheese."
Me: "If you have some quarters you can get a box of mac and cheese for about 75 cents."
Son: . . . . . (makes a peanut butter sandwich from his remaining half jar of peanut butter for dinner)

The following morning he gathered his bag of cans to turn in, went to the store and returned excited because he'd gotten a half gallon of milk on sale.  It seems like a small thing, but to me it was a tectonic shift - it's the first time he's grocery shopped for himself, entirely on his own impetus with entirely his own money.  Those can refunds would have been used to purchase soda or pizza before - now he's excited that he has a singular box of mac-and-cheese.  This is good!
primsong: (cat hug)
([personal profile] primsong May. 20th, 2017 06:33 am)
I recently realized from the way my cat responds that while her name is Pi, she believes her name is Beautiful Kitty.  It has made me suddenly self-aware of how often I greet her as "Hello, beautiful" and "Come up here, beautiful kitty!"  Now that would be a nice sort of nickname to acquire, no wonder she has such confidence in our servitude to her.
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harpers_child: melaka fray reading from "Tales of the Slayers". (Default)
([personal profile] harpers_child May. 20th, 2017 12:18 am)
1. Lost my phone for a bit tonight. Dithered over whether or not to steal the SU's phone to call mine for almost 2 hours. Searched the whole house in circles over and over again. Tried to wait out the brain weasels and had an anxiety attack instead. Finally stole his phone and called mine. It was on the wrong side of my computer tower. Thanks for being an asshole, brain. (The SU went to bed at 9:30 tonight. I noticed the phone missing around 10.)

2. Sick ferret today. Pretty sure it was just too much of the supplement we give her to help with dry skin and itching. The need to replace the cardboard we've been using in her cage is now bumped up to by the end of next week.

3. Turns out we have termites. Just around the front door and in one corner of the garage. My door ramp has to go as it's infected. It'll cost us about $1500 to treat and get barrier sprayed. Thank god for grandparent money. This also means the hostas I was going to plant in the courtyard can't go in yet. Went out and bought some window boxes to start them in. The package the bulbs are in got wet when the garage flooded a bit two weeks ago and the bulbs started to sprout. So that's tomorrows before work project.
cupcake_goth: (Default)
([personal profile] cupcake_goth May. 18th, 2017 10:07 pm)
I apparently am still in the denial stage about the news about Chris Cornell. I won't say it doesn't seem possible, but it still seems unreal.

I never really knew him, but the Seattle music scene in the late 80s / early 90s was an incredibly small world. I ended up at basement shows and house parties with a lot of people who went on to become famous in the grunge scene, and I will always have a lot of emotions tied up in that music.

One of the best concerts I ever went to was the KISW Rising Star show on November 17, 1988. The lineup:

Mother Love Bone*

Soundgarden

Jane's Addiction

Today's news also sent me on a weird search for the existence of a Soundgarden t-shirt that I owned long ago, bought at the show they headlined for Bumbershoot 1990. I found it on a Japanese vintage clothing shop, where apparently it sold for almost $200. My shirt has long since vanished, thanks to one of my exes. I'm connected to him on FB; I'm a tiny bit tempted to message him and see if he still has my damn shirt, because I want it back. But I think I'll let that bit of the past go, and just think fondly of the concerts. (Not of the ex, that's for damn sure.)




*(And I still have moments of being mad at Andy Wood for the waste of his life and talent.)
azurelunatic: The (old) Tacoma Narrows Bridge, intact but twisted. (Tacoma)
([personal profile] azurelunatic May. 18th, 2017 07:43 pm)
So as I alluded to in passing, I'm moving.

My departure from the Bay Area is May 31st.

The moving pod(s) will be with me from sometime May 26 through sometime May 31st.

I am driving to Tacoma with some of the stuff that's too delicate or otherwise unsuitable to be trusted to a pod. (Alcohol in the trunk. My computer. Stuff I'll need to survive for a week or so without things from the pod. The ancestral tea set from Dad's mom's side of the family, eventually destined for Ev. The box with the paper volumes of my journal.) The drive often takes two days; it's possible that I may accomplish it in one go, though I haven't yet driven it. (I did the Phoenix/SF drive in two days the first time, and one day on the two subsequent trips.)

The plan for Tacoma is:
* some sort of long-term pre-payable hotel for the first ~month, keeping in mind that I'll be off at Open Source Bridge for part of that, too
* two specific call centers to apply to
* look for a ~year lease
* look for a better job

Oh yes, and: see my partner and metamour on a regular basis.

This is earlier than I thought I'd be going, but it was suddenly time.

My world is boxes. Company would be welcome but is not necessary, and the number of sitting surfaces in here is drastically lower than usual.
beable: (the doubtful guest)
([personal profile] beable May. 17th, 2017 10:16 am)
It's been a while since I posted the adventures of Not-Beable on here.
(I have posted more micro Not-Beable updates on FB occasionally).

Well today, it's time for a POLL! You see, some friends of one of the Not-Beables have sent me a 50$ Amazon gift card to celebrate "What an exciting time for you guys. Congratulations to you both".

Unlike the last time someone sent Not-Beable money ($100 Interac e-transfer, which expired after a month thus returning the money to the original sender), ignoring this will not cause the gift card to magically be refunded, which means if I don't want to just give the money to Amazon, I need to Do Something.

Hence the poll:

Poll #18381 Help me Interweebs - you're my only hope!
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 13


First: What should I do with the Amazon gift card?

View Answers

Use it! They did send you the gift card!
2 (15.4%)

Give it to meeeee! I deserves it!
0 (0.0%)

Try to let Amazon customer service know electronically (though I don't think their form selection covers this)
6 (46.2%)

Suck it up and phone Amazon customer service to explain the issue
5 (38.5%)

Stalk other Not-Beables on Facebook to find the senders and send them a message
4 (30.8%)

Donate it to a random person
1 (7.7%)

Donate it to a random cause
3 (23.1%)

Donate it to Ticky Box
4 (30.8%)

Seriously - Ticky Box loves shopping
5 (38.5%)

Socksie needs more books
1 (7.7%)

Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
3 (23.1%)

Doesn't Gondor look just like Socks?
3 (23.1%)

I'm new to Beable's DW, or I have forgotten what her polls are like.
0 (0.0%)

I'm not new to Beable's DW, so I expected this poll to go to the dogs
7 (53.8%)

Ice cream?

View Answers
Mean: 146.85 Median: 158 Std. Dev 64.88
Ice cream! 131 (7.7%)
421 (7.7%)
711 (7.7%)
1000 (0.0%)
1292 (15.4%)
1582 (15.4%)
1873 (23.1%)
Ice cream? 2163 (23.1%)


I do have the names of the two senders (but not their email address), so contacting them directly will require some social media stalking. I suspect the Amazon route is the most straightforward (if most annoying). Too bad keeping it isn't ethical :-/
primsong: (medieval crowd)
([personal profile] primsong May. 16th, 2017 01:34 pm)
At a shop earlier, toddler in cart in front of me having a meltdown.  Exasperated mother finally says "Atticus, will you please quit crying?!"

Atticus?

My son recently encountered a wee child named Brutus. This is an interesting trend, I like it better than soap opera characters I must say, at least the history the namesakes echo isn't fictitious. 
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cupcake_goth: (Default)
([personal profile] cupcake_goth May. 15th, 2017 12:15 pm)
Let's see, where were we ... last week, I returned from Disneyland (yes, I miss the Haunted Mansion, thank you for asking), worked two days, and then hopped on a bus to Portland for the Vampire Ball.





What these photos don't really show: the almost entire can of glitter hairspray that I covered myself with. Every Halloween season, Value Village/Savers stocks glitter hairspray that is not really hairspray, but is microglitter in an aerosol. It is AMAZING. It is also insidious; I suspect I'm never going to get all the glitter out of that dress, which is fine with me, but The Husband will make That Face about it.

The event was lovely; in fact, it was one of the better VMBs of the past few years. There were a wide range of performers, and the new layout of the Melody Ballroom was wonderful. While I missed the previous stage (which has been removed in the remodel), having the stage directly opposite the doors to the main ballroom was great.

Rhias came down for the event -- her first ever time at VMB! -- and had a great time. She looked fantastic, and the headpiece she made was epic.



---

Sunday morning, before I wandered off to the bus home, I indulged in a stuffed waffle at the hotel restaurant. (Stuffed with Brie and ham, and topped with pear compote.) It was delicious. I am paying for it now. I know part of what I'm feeling is exhaustion -- it's been a busy couple of weeks! -- but the upswing in brain fog and joint pain? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's due to the whacking great block of carbs & gluten I had. I guess I know for sure now that I can't eat like that anymore? Ugh, send coffee and laudanum.
azurelunatic: Chocolate dessert, captioned No Artificial Shortages  (no artificial shortages)
([personal profile] azurelunatic May. 14th, 2017 02:21 pm)
Eurovision was yesterday! That was certainly an experience...

In honor of that, my traditional contribution to the party: chocolate covered strawberries.

Read more... )
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emceeaich: (manga steve)
([personal profile] emceeaich May. 11th, 2017 09:14 pm)

Goose society is surprising complex. Well, aside from the poop and anger issues.

harpers_child: melaka fray reading from "Tales of the Slayers". (Default)
([personal profile] harpers_child May. 11th, 2017 02:33 pm)
1. The difference between wearing a corset over t-shirt to work for a day shift vs a night shift is that during the day black ladies will ask you where you got your corset and what bra you're wearing. (Black underbust by Flying Cloud, and a Panache Envy if you wanted to know.) This was very amusing. White women glue their eyes to your chin or look over your shoulder or refuse to look in your direction. Because Having Breasts in Public is impolite or something.

2. I am so tired lately. I've been sleeping. I've been sleeping so hard my ear feels a little numb when I get up in the morning. But so tired.

3. I've got like another week and a half of amitriptyline draw down. I want to know when I'll get hungry again. I miss wanting to eat.
.